SB 664 threatens to severely undermine services to survivors in our state by restructuring state funding to victim services agencies and establishing impractical eligibility requirements for that funding.  For example, under the new requirements, the Orange County Rape Crisis Center and the Compass Center would be ineligible for funding because Orange County does not have a domestic violence shelter.  And we are not alone.

Only 49 of North Carolina’s 100 counties currently have a shelter for survivors of domestic violence.  In fact, only 20 of our 100 counties currently meet all of the eligibility requirements set forth by SB 664.  This means that 80% of counties in North Carolina would lose state funding for victim services programs if the bill passes.  For the Center, this funding cut would mean losing 10% of our annual budget (about $50,000).  Such a loss would severely diminish our capacity to provide services and outreach in Orange County.

In addition to eliminating funding for the vast majority of counties in our state, SB 664 also prohibits service providers and state advocacy organizations such as NCCASA and NCCADV from serving on the state commission that oversees funding distribution, thereby eliminating key voices of those who work first-hand with survivors.  Furthermore, the bill would require local government counties to spend significantly more financial and human resources to ensure administrative oversight of the funding distribution.

In short, SB 664 will cut funding for 80% of counties in North Carolina, likely forcing sexual and relationship violence agencies in those counties to cut services to survivors, all while eliminating key voices from the decision making process and costing more for oversight at the county level.

Please contact members of the budget committee and your representatives today to urge them to oppose SB 664.  

• The Mary Ann Chap Award for Community Service was presented to El Centro Hispano, Stephanie Willis of Chapel Hill-Carrboro City Schools, and Megan & Gary Crunkleton.
• The Margaret Henderson Award for Service & Self-Care was presented to Brendan Moylan of Sports Endeavors, Inc.
• The Margaret Barrett Award for Advocacy was presented to La Conexión and Kim Grooms of the Chapel Hill-Carrboro YMCA.

As a thank you for all the work they’ve done to further our cause, we’d like to share the speeches that staff members gave recognizing each recipient’s contributions.

Mary Ann Chap Award for Community Service

This award is given to those who have made major contributions toward achieving the Center’s mission: to stop sexual violence through support, education, and advocacy.

El Centro Hispano

El Centro Hispano is a nonprofit organization dedicated to strengthening the Latino community and improving the quality of life for Latino residents in Chapel, Carrboro, Durham and surrounding areas. They accomplish this mission through their commitment to service, education and community organizing. Since 1992, they have grown from serving 200 people in a church basement in Durham to serving more than 11,000 community members out of their Carrboro and Durham locations.

Since El Centro’s founding, the population of Latino residents in our area has grown drastically. And as the Latino population has grown, so has El Centro Hispano, which is now the largest grassroots Latino organization in North Carolina. When our agency began to explore how to better reach the Latino community, we did not have to look any further than El Centro. They provide legal services, employment advice, education, youth leadership development, literacy education, and much more. We knew that partnering with El Centro would allow us to help survivors in the Latino community.

For the past two years, our Latino Services Coordinator, Maria Morales Levy, has kept office hours at El Centro’s Carrboro office. With support and acknowledgement from El Centro, we have become a welcome and trusted agency in the Latino community. Over the past two years, the number of Spanish-speaking clients we served increased by over 400 percent.

El Centro, it is an honor for us to work with you to provide support and services to the Latino community, and we are looking forward to continuing to grow our efforts together in the years ahead.

Stephanie Willis

We also would like to acknowledge another community partner that really… gets it. She understands how vital it is that all children (and the adults in their lives) are equipped with language, skills, and confidence to protect themselves from unwanted touch, and to understand their rights and responsibilities as young people. Stephanie Willis is the cornerstone of health education in the Chapel Hill-Carrboro City schools, and has for many years been a steadfast supporter of our SafeTouch programs in the elementary schools as well as our StartStrong programs in middle and high schools.

It is in large part thanks to Stephanie’s advocacy as the Chapel Hill-Carrboro City Schools’ district health coordinator that the SafeTouch program is an unquestionable part of the CHCCS student experience, and that every student in the district will grow up confident in the knowledge that they have a right to be safe, and that there are adults around them who care passionately about keeping them safe.

As a member of the education team at the Center, I have had many opportunities to witness first-hand what Stephanie’s commitment to kids looks like. Whether she is responding to a parent’s questions, coordinating opportunities for us to meet with counselors, or helping a new administrator understand the importance of the partnership between our agencies, Stephanie can be counted on to go to bat for the best interest of the students.

Knowing with confidence that Stephanie is in our corner is a unique blessing. And as if counting on her support were not enough, we have also benefited enormously from Stephanie’s ability to get others on board. When we revised our SafeTouch programs last summer, Stephanie pulled together a committee of parents, staff, and teachers to help us out. And when we expanded our programming 6 years ago into the middle schools, it was Stephanie who paved the way. We thank you, Stephanie, for laying the groundwork that allows for our prevention education programming to grow and evolve in the CHCCS district.

Megan & Gary Crunkleton

Megan and Gary Crunkleton are inspiring supporters of the anti-violence cause. Through volunteering at the Center in multiple capacities for several years, it is clear that the Crunkletons both care deeply about the Center and our mission to stop sexual violence. Megan first became involved as a community educator—working to provide prevention education and training to children throughout the County.

And even outside of their official capacities over the years – from Community Educator to donor to advisor – they both also ‘talk the talk’. Megan will not hesitate to talk to you about how important it is to teach children about their personal safety and how to draw boundaries around their personal space. Her classroom experience as a Community Educator with the Center gives her many talking points to draw upon as she teaches those around her.

And Gary speaks from the heart when he talks about his experiences. In his early years as a bartender, he heard many stories about the use of alcohol in sexual violence. These experiences encouraged him to learn about preventing violence and supporting survivors, to speak out against violence, and to encourage others to be active bystanders.

Now, as bar owners themselves, Megan and Gary use their unique position in the community to work as advocates and supporters.

The Crunkletons are playing a crucial role in a new community-wide campaign to educate and raise awareness among bar owners and patrons with the goal of preventing violence before it even happens. In conjunction with the Center and UNC’s Violence Prevention Office, the Crunkletons are working with local law enforcement, student groups, and business owners in Chapel Hill to help prevent sexual assault.

The Center is greatly honored to have the support of such outstanding citizens. Megan and Gary Crunkleton are the kind of people who help transform our vision to end sexual violence into a reality.

Margaret Henderson Award for Service & Self-Care

This award recognizes a person within the Orange County Rape Crisis Center family who has exhibited outstanding service in furtherance of the Center’s mission while also modeling principles of life-balance and self-care.

Brendan Moylan

This year we would like to honor Brendan Moylan. As co-founder and now Vice President and Chief Operating Officer of Sports Endeavors, Brendan demonstrates a high level of community service. In 1991, Brendan and his brother Michael created the Passback program, donating soccer balls and uniforms to people in Malawi. In addition to this global reach, Brendan dedicates a large amount of time to local non-profits, especially those involving kids in literacy, service-learning, character development, and of course, soccer.

Brendan deeply cares about improving the lives of children, from his involvement in the soccer community to his dedication to safety education. Brendan began his involvement with the Center as a Community Educator, teaching elementary school students how to stay safe and where to find help when they need it. From there, he served as the Center’s Board President, where his financial expertise helped the Center build our programs and plan for the future.

Brendan was especially supportive in encouraging the Center to improve its technology – in 1999, only two staff members had email access, and the email was so slow that they hardly ever checked it! Thanks to Brendan’s encouragement, I can now say that we all have email – and we are always checking it. Brendan has continued to support the Center in many ways. He has been a long-time supporter of the Center’s Annual Holiday Auction and has served as an Advisory Council Member to the agency since his board term ended.

From Brendan, to his brother Michael, and their parents, the Moylans are a shining example of how one can be of service, and we applaud all of you for that.

Margaret Barrett Award for Advocacy

This award recognizes an individual or organization who has worked to affect change around the issue of sexual violence.

La Conexión

In 1995, La Conexion became the first established Hispanic Newspaper in North Carolina. La Conexión has brought together a team of professionals who are committed to serve, inform, and connect the Latino community throughout the United States. The paper has extensive coverage in North Carolina, mainly in the Piedmont area, with distribution points in more than 20 counties in North Carolina. They produce 21,000 free copies of their magazine every week, and have over 80,000 weekly readers.

Both we and La Conexion believe in the significant role that the media plays in educating and helping our communities. In their tireless efforts to serve the community, La Conexion began working with the Center two years ago to create a way to best educate their readers about issues of interpersonal violence. Out of this partnership, “Breaking the Silence” was born. This monthly column provides the Center with the opportunity to educate about preventing sexual violence, promote healthy relationships, and share available services and resources.

Since then, more members of the Latino community know not only about services available at the Center, but services available throughout the state. More importantly, people know that they are not alone, and that someone is available to help.

La Conexion is proof that together we can be a tremendous force for change and that we all can play a role in ending violence in our communities. We are very honored and privileged to work with La Conexion as advocates, and we thank you for all of your hard work.

Kim Grooms

Kim Grooms has a vision for kids. As Executive Branch Director of the Chapel Hill-Carrboro YMCA and as a parent, Kim has devoted both her personal and professional life to putting action behind her vision that all kids deserve to lead happy, healthy, and productive lives. It is this vision, matched with her tenacity and willingness to get things done, that has made her such an effective advocate for the prevention of child sexual abuse in Orange County.

In 2010, Kim was introduced to the Darkness2Light model for child sexual abuse prevention. Because she has a vision, Kim immediately knew that this must work in Chapel Hill. And because of the expansive nature of her vision, Kim also knew that it would only work if the community owned it. So she got to work mobilizing her many community contacts to create more than just a program—to create a movement. The Darkness2Light model for community change is ambitious: change the culture of a community such that there is no longer a place for child sexual abuse to occur. What does it take to change a community? To take a taboo topic and make it central to the community’s consciousness? It takes work. It takes time. It takes collaboration. And it takes vision.

The Center is honored to be partners in the Orange-Chatham-Durham Darkness2Light Coalition to end child sexual abuse through adult education. This adult education model is the perfect complement to the SafeTouch programs that we have presented for 30 years to local elementary school children. We applaud Kim and the rest of the Darkness2Light Coalition for recognizing the urgency of child sexual abuse prevention in our community, and for rolling up their sleeves to engage parents, teachers, businesses, soccer clubs, government agencies, and anyone else who will listen. Because when an organization like the YMCA takes a stand and says “This is important,” people listen.

In a 2011 interview with Fifteen 501 Magazine, Kim stated that at the YMCA, “(They) believe that every child deserves the chance to discover who they are and what they can achieve in a safe and nurturing environment, and that’s why partnering with Darkness to Light …is so important…”

Thank you, Kim, for taking that stand. We will continue to stand with you.

The US Department of Justice estimates that the most frequent age of entry into the commercial sex industry in the United States is 12-14 years.  And what’s more, GEMS reports that 70-90% of commercially sexually exploited children have a history of child sexual abuse.  Current practice is to treat these already vulnerable and traumatized children as criminals — despite the fact that they are not choosing prostitution themselves but are being forced or coerced into it (i.e. trafficked) by their pimps/boyfriends.  But, as of this week, change is on the horizon!

A bill was filed in the State House today that would finally eliminate criminal prosecution of prostituted minors.  HB 825 provides that a “minor shall not be prosecuted for the offense of prostitution and if detained for that offense shall be subject to temporary protective custody as provided by the state juvenile laws.”

If it passes, this legislation would not only eliminate criminal penalties for sexually exploited minors but would also make provisions for those minors to be taken into protective custody and connected with support services.  HB 825 would work in tandem with HB 855, HB 221, and other similar bills to increase criminal penalties for traffickers and enhance services for trafficking victims.  Given North Carolina’s unenviable distinction as being among the top eight states for human trafficking in the US, this kind of supportive legislation is desperately needed.

Please contact your state representatives today to communicate your support for HB 825 and other anti-trafficking legislation. Being a victim of sexual violence shouldn’t be a criminal offense.

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Joey Honeycutt is our Crisis Response Coordinator. She works with our volunteer Companions to provide support services to survivors of sexual violence in our community.

The Facts

• Nearly 1 in 5 women have been raped at some time in their lives. About every 2 minutes, someone in the United States is sexually assaulted.
• More than 1 in 3 women and more than 1 in 4 men have experienced rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime.
• Approximately 80% of female victims experienced their first rape before the age of 25.
• It is impossible to “ask” to be assaulted, and it is never the survivor’s fault. Only 2-8% of reports are false, which is a comparable rate to false reports of other crimes.

Impact on Victims

Each survivor reacts to sexual assault in different ways. Some may tell others right away what happened, while others will wait weeks, months, or even years before discussing their assault. Sexual assault takes a high psychological and physical toll on victims. Victims may experience nightmares, flashbacks, depression, difficulty concentrating, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), substance abuse, and eating disorders. In addition, sexual assault can cause changes in eating or sleeping patterns, physical injury, increased startle response, and concerns about pregnancy or contracting an STI or HIV. Further, victims often experience guilt, embarrassment, denial, and self blame.

What You Can Do

Get involved! Educate yourself about the issue.  Talk to your friends about healthy relationships, and be a supportive listener to those affected by sexual assault. Replace victim-blaming statements with statements of support. Challenge rape myths and stereotypes, and speak up when you hear sexist language or someone downplaying the severity of sexual assault. Request our Community Educators to present a program for adults to your PTA, book club, social club, church group, or office. Talk to your children about safe touches and preventing violence. Request our Community Educators to present a program to your kids’ daycare, youth group, or sports team. Support the Center by donating and coming to our events. Volunteer as a Companion, Community Educator, Support Group Facilitator, and more. Host a fundraiser for the Center. And finally, Paint the Town Teal for Sexual Assault Awareness Month!

How the Center Can Help

The Orange County Rape Crisis Center is always available to support victims of sexual assault. All services are free, confidential, and available in both English and Spanish. Our 24-Hour Help Line provides support to survivors and their loved ones 24 hours a day, every day of the year. In addition, the Center offers support groups and therapy referrals. If you or someone you know has been a victim of sexual assault, contact our 24-Hour Help Line at 1-866-WE LISTEN or 919-967-7273.

In February, actress Anne Hathaway won a Best Supporting Actress Oscar for her portrayal of Fantine in Les Miserables. In the story, Fantine is a single mother forced by economic necessity into prostitution. In interviews promoting the film, Hathaway spoke frequently of finding inspiration for the role by researching the reality of modern-day sex slavery. As she told Word & Film’s Tony Phillips, “[…] I came to the realization that I had been thinking about Fantine as someone who lived in the past – but she doesn’t. She’s living in New York City right now. She’s probably less than a block away.” Hathaway’s words, and her portrayal of Fantine, speak not only to the reality of contemporary human trafficking, but also to its insidious presence right in all of our own backyards. In fact, North Carolina ranks among the top 8 states for human trafficking in the United States.

Human trafficking is often misunderstood as an issue that exclusively impacts foreign nationals. While international trafficking and trafficking of foreign nationals is undeniably a huge issue, it’s only one piece of the puzzle. Trafficking victims are very often U.S. citizens who are forced into sex slavery by economic necessity, abusive home situations, or any number of other circumstances. In order for a situation to be legally classified as “human trafficking,” it does not need to involve movement across borders, smuggling, or movement of any kind. Rather, human trafficking is defined as any commercial exchange of sex or labor that involves force, fraud, or coercion (though in the case of sex trafficking of minors, force, fraud, and coercion are not necessary). This definition includes pimp-controlled prostitution.

While TV and movies often portray prostitutes as glamorous, high-price call girls (think Satine in Moulin Rouge or Lana in Risky Business) or as autonomous, street-smart hookers who call their own shots (a la Pretty Woman), the sad reality is that many women and girls in prostitution are at the mercy of their pimps/boyfriends. They are often held against their will in prostitution or sex slavery either through force or the threat of force, through threats and intimidation, or through coercion.

Even more concerning is the number of children forced into the sex trade. The most frequent age of entry into the sex trade is 12-14 years old, and 70-90% of children in the sex trade have previously been victims of sexual abuse. This video by GEMS founder and trafficking survivor, Rachel Lloyd, illustrates the direct link between childhood sexual abuse and commercial sexual exploitation of girls and women (TRIGGER WARNING: contains graphic descriptions of sexual exploitation and sexual violence).

While the state of North Carolina is still struggling to provide adequate services and resources to trafficking survivors, the good news is that our current legislative session is considering a bill (HB 221) that would impose harsher legal penalties on those convicted of trafficking, including requiring that those convicted of sex trafficking of minors be added to the sex offender registry.

Anne Hathaway closed her Oscar acceptance speech by saying, “Here’s hoping that someday, in the not-too-distant future, the misfortunes of Fantine will only be found in stories and never more in real life.” While legislation like HB 221 is an important step in the right direction, it will ultimately take all of us to achieve the ultimate goal of a world free of slavery. To learn more about what you can do to identify and address trafficking your community, check out the resources linked below, and don’t forget to contact your state representatives today to encourage their support of HB 221.

To learn more about human trafficking and how you can help, please visit:

• North Carolina Coalition Against Human Trafficking
• Polaris Project
• Girls Educational & Mentoring Services (GEMS)
• NC Stop Human Trafficking

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Joey Honeycutt is our Crisis Response Coordinator. She works with our volunteer Companions to provide support services to survivors of sexual violence in our community.

The winner of the Love Your Body campaign’s 2012 poster contest.

On a daily basis we are inundated with media messages that make not-so-subtle suggestions on how we should live our lives: how we should look, what we should eat, who we should surround ourselves with, and more. More often than not, these messages are harmful by promoting unattainable standards. And if they are harmful for adults, can you imagine what the effects these messages have on our youth, especially young girls?

Here at the Center, we believe in helping young girls foster a healthy and positive sexual identity because in doing so, they are empowered to expect and demand relationships free from coercion, disrespect, and violence. But, in order to encourage this, we need to help our girls build resilience against harmful media messages that promote the objectification and sexualization of young girls.

It is no easy task to just ignore the media and all the pressures that come with it. But if we want our society to change, and if we want our girls to believe they are wonderful just as they are, then we need to provide women and girls with skills to recognize and reject harmful media messages.

About-Face and the NOW Foundation’s Love Your Body campaign provide great ways to tackle harmful media consumption. Here are a few of my personal favorites:

1. Explore media alternatives

About-Face provides some great alternatives to traditional media for girls. They suggest movies like Drop Dead Gorgeous and Mean Girls. Blogs like Feministing and Jezebel are also great resources for young women and girls that shut out the harmful noise of traditional media.

2. Spend time with your family

Spend quality time with the ones you love, without the TV. Play games, do something active, make arts and crafts with each other. Much of the media does not place very much importance on nurturing relationships, so what better way to show our girls the value in relationships than to enjoy each other’s company.

3. Stop talking about your weight (especially in front of young girls)

Girls are great listeners, and they are listening to the way you talk about yourself and other women. According to About-Face, this is how they learn the language of womanhood. Young women can only learn body acceptance if they see examples of women who love and accept their own bodies.

4. Voice your opinion

Speak out against harmful ads and the companies that use them. Your letters, emails, and phone calls really make a difference. About-Face has numerous petitions that send individual emails to companies that need to hear your voice in order to make a change. “A three-pronged approach of writing a letter stating WHY you will not be purchasing a company’s products anymore (and then not purchasing them…) will go a long way toward helping our media environment change for the better.”

5. Be a role model for young girls to break the mold and set new standards!

Kids learn from example, so model the behavior you want them to learn. Be on the lookout for “teachable moments,” and initiate conversations about what you see in the world and in the media. Always be open to conversation, and remember that dialogue goes both ways.

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Bianca Di Marcello is our Community Education intern. She supports the Community Education Team in their efforts to prevent violence in our community.

Over the past two months, members of our community have been disheartened to read about the allegations surrounding the handling of sexual assault cases at UNC. In the wake of the 2011 Title IX Dear Colleague Letter, we have watched similar media stories about universities across the nation, but as with anything, it is often more difficult to reconcile challenges that are close to home. In the coming months there may be more publicity, more questions, and possibly even more disappointment, but there is also the opportunity for a strategic community response to sexual violence.

On a daily basis, our staff and volunteers witness the courage of survivors who share the devastation that sexual violence has had on their lives. While survivors come to the Center seeking help in their recovery process, they come first and foremost baring their deepest secrets to someone who will believe them. Disclosure can take a tremendous amount of courage for anyone, and for our community’s college students, we find that they are doubly fearful of being excluded from what equates to a new sense of family. Statistics show that most violent crimes, including rape and sexual assault, are committed by someone the victim knows. Students often have to worry about how their friends and acquaintances will react if they disclose assault perpetrated by someone within their social circle.

And while disclosing an assault aids in a survivor’s acknowledgment that a crime has been committed, survivors also need compassion from family, friends, and their larger community to support prosecution of these crimes. When survivors are fearful that they will not be believed, they often do not come forward. Low numbers of reported cases create a false sense of safety in our community, assailants rarely face criminal charges, and survivors struggle in silence with the trauma of their assault.

While conversations about what is happening on campus may ultimately prove to be very difficult, these discussions will also allow us to improve our support for survivors, to prevent sexual assault, and to protect the most vulnerable in our community. As we look ahead, we find ourselves searching for answers, providing support and encouragement to survivors afraid of coming forward, and advocating for system changes to best aid survivors.

This was originally published in the Winter 2013 edition of The Center Line, our quarterly electronic newsletter.

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Shamecca Q. Bryant is our Executive Director and has been with the Center since 2007. She also serves on the board of directors for the North Carolina Coalition Against Sexual Assault. 

The Senate-approved bill is very similar to the bipartisan legislation introduced by Senators Leahy and Crapo last Congress and would improve VAWA programs and strengthen protections for all victims of violence. It includes many important improvements, such as addressing the criminal justice response to sexual assault, domestic violence homicides, housing needs, and campus victimization, all of which were included in legislation last year.

The current Senate bill also includes enhanced protections for tribal, LGBT, and immigrant victims. These extra provisions were identified as critical priorities by advocates across the country and received bipartisan support both last year and this year in the Senate.

Additionally, the SAFER Act, another provision to help improve VAWA, was added and passed unanimously in the Senate late last year. The SAFER Act promotes the elimination of rape kit backlogs which would then be used to help prosecute offenders and solve cold cases.

Although many provisions were included in this year’s bill, one provision from last year was removed. This provision would have increased the number of U-Visas available to immigrant victims of sexual assault, domestic violence, and certain other violent crimes. In the 2012 version of VAWA, this provision led to an objection from House leaders. In the interest of obtaining reauthorization and avoiding technical obstacles, the Senate excluded this provision in the new VAWA bill.

As House leaders decide whether they will create their own bill, all of us can make sure the conversation continues. Make sure the House hears your voice and that VAWA is passed. Visit www.4vawa.org for fact sheets, press coverage, support letters, and updates.

VAWA Action Items

ACTION ITEM #1: THANK YOUR SENATORS WHO VOTED FOR S.47

Please thank your Senator(s) who voted for the final VAWA. Both Senator Burr and Senator Hagan voted in favor of S.47.

ACTION ITEM #2: CALL OR VISIT YOUR REPRESENTATIVES TODAY!!!

Find your representative, and click on their webpage to get their district office number. Call them at their district office BEFORE February 22. When you’re connected to their offices, ask to speak to the staff person who handles VAWA. If your Representative is one of the 201 Democratic sponsors of the House version of the Senate VAWA (H.R. 11), thank them profusely and encourage them to talk to and work with their Republican colleagues to get a bipartisan VAWA passed. (For further updates on sponsors, go to http://thomas.loc.gov/home/thomas.php, choose Bill number, type in H.R. 11, and search.)

If your Representative is one of the 17 Republicans who signed onto a letter to Republican House leadership urging a bipartisan VAWA that reaches all victims, thank them and urge them to talk to Speaker Boehner and Majority Leader Cantor and suggest to them that the Senate bill should be considered on the House floor. See letter and signatories here. Twitter handles for these members are at http://www.tweetcongress.org.

If your Representative is NOT on the sponsor list or the Republican letter, call them and tell (or leave a message for) the staff person:

I am a constituent from (city and state) and my name is _________. I want to urge Representative _________ to support a strong, bipartisan, inclusive Violence Against Women Act and hope that they will urge Speaker Boehner to bring the recently-passed bipartisan Senate VAWA (S.47) to the House floor immediately. As you know, VAWA passed the Senate on Tuesday with a resounding bipartisan vote of 78-22 in favor of an all-embracing bill that strives to serve all victims of violence in our communities, homes, campuses and workplaces all around the country.

ACTION ITEM #3: PARTICIPATE IN THE VAWA PHOTO CAMPAIGN!

Join the “We need VAWA because…” campaign on Facebook and Instagram! Tag your photos on Instragram with #VAWA or submit your photos via email to lccref@gmail.com. Include your city and state in your statement.

“Why were you drinking?”
“What were you wearing?”
“Why did you leave with him?”
“How come you don’t have any bruises?”
“Didn’t you know what would happen?”

These are some of the questions that are commonly asked of survivors seeking help after a sexual assault. And while there are many reasons that someone may not want to report an assault, victim-blaming questions such as those are one of the main factors that prevent survivors from coming forward.

The repercussions of speaking out can be traumatic. Victim-blaming, public shaming and humiliation, fear of retaliation from one’s attacker, and not being believed are some of the many reasons why survivors do not report their assault to the police or seek help from friends and family members.

Additionally, statistics have shown that most assaults occur between people who know each other, raising a whole new set of concerns. The survivor may care for their attacker and not want to get them in trouble. They may fear being ostracized by their social group if they accuse a friend of rape. Friends not wishing to have “drama” in the group may ignore or write off an assault, leaving the survivor without any support.

Further, many survivors don’t want to believe that something so awful could happen to them, so they may deny that what happened was rape. Others may not know what rape is: After a lifetime of seeing rape portrayed on television as a scary, violent stranger-in-the-bushes attack, a survivor may not realize that unwanted, non-consensual sex with their boyfriend was actually rape.

When many survivors experience such a profound lack of support after reporting an assault, it’s little wonder that many people choose to not report at all. And it seems even worse to face such negative consequences for reporting when you consider that the justice system is so broken that the perpetrator is very unlikely to be convicted of a crime. RAINN estimates that out of every hundred rapes, only 3 of those will end in the rapist seeing even a single day in jail. And that’s after an emotionally difficult and sometimes humiliating trial experience for the survivor.

This is not at all to suggest that survivors shouldn’t report a rape or sexual assault. But rather, understanding the challenges of reporting can help us be more empathetic when supporting a survivor. We should all begin with telling the survivor that we believe them and that the assault was not their fault. At its core, rape is about taking power and control away from the victim. Making demands and decisions on their behalf – even with the best of intentions – doesn’t support the survivor. But helping them work through the options and make a decision for themselves, and then standing by them in that decision – that’s true support.

Many survivors’ concerns stem from feelings that they somehow caused or deserved their assault and that no one will believe their story. It may be difficult to understand why survivors would doubt themselves or feel self-blame. But these legitimate fears are upheld by society’s perception of rape and how it can be reduced.

Women and girls are often bombarded with tips that advise women not to walk alone, not to drink, to carry a cell phone at all times, and to adhere to a certain dress code. These are all strategies focused on not getting raped, and thus when an assault does happen, the blame shifts to the survivor for having disobeyed these rules. Rather than these risk reduction strategies that place the responsibility for avoiding rape on potential victims, we should focus on primary prevention strategies that encourage rapists not to rape or that encourage bystanders to intervene in dangerous situations.

Survivors want to be believed, supported, and validated. We must all take steps to create a more supportive community so that survivors feel safe to share their stories, pursue legal action, and receive support. In order to support survivors, we must first educate ourselves. Once we develop a supportive and encouraging environment for survivors of sexual violence to disclose their experiences, more survivors will feel comfortable reporting violent crimes to law enforcement.

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Julia Da Silva has interned at the Center since 2011. She has worked on a variety of projects, from fundraising and communications to client services and outreach.

Alyson Culin is our Development and Marketing Director. She works behind the scenes to support the Center and its mission through fundraising, communications, and advocacy.

Teenagers are awesome. If you ask the right questions, they have a wealth of wisdom about what healthy sexuality and healthy relationships look like. This is honestly amazing considering the images of sex and relationships that have saturated the media they’ve grown up consuming. But these negative messages in the media still take their toll. It’s important to remember that while they may know the right answers when they are asked in the classroom, as many as 1 in 3 teens experience dating violence. The reality of teen dating violence in America reflects a need for more questions, more conversations, and more awareness.

February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month, and here’s what you can do this month to help us end a national epidemic:

Step 1: Get Informed!

The problem of teen dating violence is much more common than people think:

• 1 in 3 adolescents in the United States is a victim of physical, sexual, emotional, or verbal abuse from a dating partner, a figure that far exceeds rates of other types of youth violence.
• 1 in 4 high school girls have been victims of physical or sexual abuse.
• Nearly 1.5 million high school students nationwide experience physical abuse from a dating partner in a single year.

Step 2: Learn About HEALTHY dating relationships!

Check out this video to hear what teens are saying:

Step 3: Talk About It!

Teens need to hear from all adults in their lives that they have a right to expect respect in their dating relationships. Check out LoveIsRespect.org, one of my favorite sites for ideas on how to talk with teens in your life. They also have some really cool quizzes, tools, and videos by teens for teens.

Step 4: Get Involved

Want to know what your community is doing to help teens redefine healthy dating? Consider volunteering as a Community Educator (CE) for the Center or the Compass Center in our joint program, Start Strong. CEs present multi-day sessions to sixth, seventh, eighth, and ninth graders through their health classes. Our programs increase important protective factors against sexual and relationship violence through empathy building, media literacy, and bystander empowerment.

Let’s all work together to help the teens in our lives keep their teen dating relationships healthy, respectful and, well… twinkly.

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Rachel Valentine is our Rape Prevention Education (RPE) Coordinator. She works with youth, parents, and professionals to prevent sexual violence in our community.